Menopause and Me – Embracing the Change

Menopause and Me.

I have been meaning to write this for a while but always floundered after the first sentence.  How was I supposed to sum up all those things I was feeling?  The emotions, frustrations, sadness and fear as well as the hot flushes, insomnia and night sweats?  The sudden inability to function, the feeling of being lost and the feeling of not being me any more.  Never mind the guilt and shame of no longer being fertile, mourning all those children that I would never hold close and breathe in that newborn smell.  The feeling of guilt over wanting more even though we had our ‘miracle’ child when so many others are not so lucky.  Trying to function as a wife and mother when I felt so ill. Balancing on a tightrope.  Treading on eggshells.  Losing my marbles.  Feeling lost.  Alone……..

Menopause and Me

When Did I Notice I was starting to go through the Menopause?

When I was around 34 years old I began to put on weight.  Skipped the odd cycle.  Never thought anything of it until I remarried when I was 38 & we wanted to add to our family.  Without going into great details we miscarried, I suffered from hot flushes  and then I discovered that my blood results showed I was well on my way through the menopause.   After Chinese medicine & acupuncture, organic diet and eating a combination of different ‘natural’ things our natural miracle daughter was born in 2010.  For two years I was breastfeeding and my hormones seemed ok.  But a few months after she self weaned I found the symptoms were back with a vengeance.

Acceptance.

Although we had our daughter I so wanted more children but as the months turned into years I was faced with a dilemma.  Did I pursue the dream of a larger family or did I accept that my family was complete and start looking after myself?  Last year, after much soul searching, I decided that now in my mid 40’s it was probably time to look forward instead of back.

There is one person who does not know how much influence she had on me.  I met her at a conference and I was having yet another hot flush and feeling ill.  I apologised to her for fanning myself with a leaflet and she just gave me a really empathetic smile and said  “I call them my Mediterranean Moments.”   Suddenly I no longer felt isolated and alone.

This was the catalyst I needed and a few months later I saw our family doctor.  I was prescribed Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and more recently another medication too.  Within the matter of a few months I have found myself again!  My confidence as a person and as a mother has grown.  I am no longer so emotional and I feel that I can support our teenage son and four year old daughter more.  Yes I still have off days, but the insomnia, night sweats and hot flushes have almost gone.  I seem to smile more which makes my husband happy.

Embracing the Change.

This has been the most difficult part but I am beginning to ’embrace the change’.  My focus has switched from my ‘ideal fantasy’ family to my ‘real, here and now’ family.  My confidence is high and I am back to writing, blogging and creating more than ever.  I have a ‘grand plan’ for the next few years as well.  I am so aware that my children’s childhood is fleeting and now is the time to enjoy having both of them at home with me.  Yes I am also aware that in less than ten years time I will have to stop my medication and there is a possibility that my symptoms will return, but I am no longer afraid.  I now know that going through the menopause early has not made me less of a woman, wife or mother.  In fact I feel stronger and look towards the future with a fresh outlook and appreciation for what I have, what I am and what I will be.  And because of this I am not only thankful but feel privileged  that I have been given this opportunity to really appreciate and love the family I have and be content within.

You could say that I am truly ‘Embracing the Change.’

 

This post is part of a blog hop featured by Dirt and Boogers – The Seasons of Motherhood.   Read more honest and true life stories by visiting her new website or clicking on the image below.  

Embracing the seasons of motherhood

 

 

Always interested in writing, reading and learning in general. I love the quirky and unusual! All thoughts are my own!

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27 Responses
  1. Michaela Knight

    Brave of you to share what so many others go through in silence. Hopefully this will help others feel less isolated and find themselves too. Well done on a fabulously honest blog!

  2. It is great that you are sharing this. I am curious about ‘the change’ but I’ve never seen anything much written about it, to be honest. It all seemed like a bit of a mystery to me but your honest post has made it seem less daunting to me. Thank you x.

  3. It must be so difficult to accept, particularly at such a relatively young age. I am glad you have managed to embrace the changes that are happening and are getting on with your life as it is.

  4. At 41 I know this is on the horizon for me too – and despite not wanting more kids I do feel sad at the thought of not being able – I know that sounds topsy turvy but a big difference between choosing not to and cant! I feel in slight mourning at the thought of never being pregnant or having that magical time with a newborn again- but equally am so lucky to have my three already. Glad you have found the HRT has made such a big difference – enjoy your new lease of life!

  5. to me the feeling of going through menopause has always been a selfish one that i know someday i will have to endure but i look at being mum to 7 little ones although three only beared by my genes only and realise how lucky i am , i always say it jokingly to my husband when i have to go through that monthly cycle that i wish i could just get the menopause over and done with so not to have to deal with it every four weeks, my mum in law recently when through it and to be honest it was more emotional upset than anything in my eyes, she seemed more touchy and moody and we actually fell out badly as i didnt actually know it was the menopause causing it bu luckily when realised through a doctors appointment we made up with hugs of compasion and care for each other, thanks for the honest post

  6. Globalmouse

    A really honest post and it must be so hard to make that decision to look forward now. I hope the symptoms subside for you.

  7. What a lovely post. The last paragraph is so true, I am young and often think about my future family with more children but at the same time I hate it and want to be more present and concentrate on my family as they are RIGHT NOW!!! Oh and I may have missed something but why do you have to stop taking the meds in 10 years? x

    1. Helen

      The health benefits at the moment outweigh the negatives. The health benefits become less as you get older – plus I will be in the ‘normal’ age range for the menopause by then. x

  8. Thank you for your honest post.

    I remember when it was my Mums time to go through it and she did not handle it very well!
    My two eldest sisters is having a tough time at the moment too with theirs. They are into their late fortys.

    Your story is positive and i wish you all the best.
    Onwards and upwards!

  9. Kelly Oliver Dougall

    Such a genuine post. Thank you for sharing your painful experience that turned into an acceptance for what you have and are.

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